Ever since I was little, I’ve been terrified of needles. A little while ago, I wrote a blog post on my first terrible experience with needles: I had to go through the rabies shots as a three year old. The rabies shots are a series of six shots over the course of 5 days within a month. Ever since then, I’ve been terrified of needles: I had a full blown panic attack behind the potter plant going into the doctors. I’ve passed out watching my sister get her blood taken. I’ve kicked a nurse (when I was a little too old to get away with that). I made my mom drive 6 hours to be with me when I needed a shot in college.
So imagine my surprise when I found out the only medication that could help with my ankylosing spondylitis was an injection. I begged and pleaded with my doctor – surely in our developed country we have a handy, dandy pill I could pop? Unfortunately our medical community is busy trying to cure cancer or something, because I’m stuck with a shot. After some vague “don’t let your past define you” speech that I think was supposed to be inspirational from my doctor, he sent me home with a prescription for Humira and a link to a how-to video. The video was just dumb – who the heck smiles while sticking themselves with a tube of pain while cheerfully talking about breathing. My first go was bad – not only does the injection last ten seconds (but feels like four minutes), it’s actually pretty painful. Coming from a girl who’s fall off horses, broken bones, and ran a marathon, I’d rank my Humira shot in the top ten easily.
Now I’ve been taking these shots for about seven months, which equates to about 14 shots. I’ve had good days where I sit still and barely cry when L pokes me. There are bad days when I hide in the closet, shaking and pleading with L to not make me do it. Usually L needs to remind me that I need this shot to be able to function. I wish that taking my shot was a painless, smooth transaction, simple as pouring my morning coffee. I know it’s okay to have fears, it’s okay to fail, and it’s okay to cry.
Top: Unknown brand gifted three years ago (similar, similar)
Vest: LeTote (FATE Quilted Vest) retails for $58 (exact, similar)
Leggings: UnderAmour gifted six years ago (similar, similar)
Slippers: UGG purchased eight years ago for $100 (similar, similar)