Tag Archives: Fears

Day 241: Why I’m 25 and Still Cry About Needles

Ever since I was little, I’ve been terrified of needles. A little while ago, I wrote a blog post on my first terrible experience with needles: I had to go through the rabies shots as a three year old. The rabies shots are a series of six shots over the course of 5 days within a month. Ever since then, I’ve been terrified of needles: I had a full blown panic attack behind the potter plant going into the doctors. I’ve passed out watching my sister get her blood taken. I’ve kicked a nurse (when I was a little too old to get away with that). I made my mom drive 6 hours to be with me when I needed a shot in college.

So imagine my surprise when I found out the only medication that could help with my ankylosing spondylitis was an injection. I begged and pleaded with my doctor – surely in our developed country we have a handy, dandy pill I could pop? Unfortunately our medical community is busy trying to cure cancer or something, because I’m stuck with a shot. After some vague “don’t let your past define you” speech that I think was supposed to be inspirational from my doctor, he sent me home with a prescription for Humira and a link to a how-to video. The video was just dumb – who the heck smiles while sticking themselves with a tube of pain while cheerfully talking about breathing. My first go was bad – not only does the injection last ten seconds (but feels like four minutes), it’s actually pretty painful. Coming from a girl who’s fall off horses, broken bones, and ran a marathon,  I’d rank my Humira shot in the top ten easily.

Now I’ve been taking these shots for about seven months, which equates to about 14 shots. I’ve had good days where I sit still and barely cry when L pokes me. There are bad days when I hide in the closet, shaking and pleading with L to not make me do it. Usually L needs to remind me that I need this shot to be able to function. I wish that taking my shot was a painless, smooth transaction, simple as pouring my morning coffee. I know it’s okay to have fears, it’s okay to fail, and it’s okay to cry.

Outfit Details
Top: Unknown brand gifted three years ago (similar, similar)
Vest: LeTote (FATE Quilted Vest) retails for $58 (exact, similar)
Leggings:  UnderAmour gifted six years ago (similar, similar)
Slippers: UGG purchased eight years ago for $100 (similar, similar)

Day 59: Dead Bat + The Office reference

If you want to see my house clean, either piss me off or make me nervous. Seriously, after any fight with L, our counter tops are legitimately glistening.

As most of you know, I have ankylosing spondylitis, which is a degenerative spinal condition. To help manage my pain, I take bi-weekly shots of Humira. Which sounds great and all because these shots make me completely functional… except that I absolutely am terrified of needles.

downloadWhen I was three, my mom found a dead bat in my bed (I know, g
ross). Naturally, she did what any mom would do and flushed it down the toilet. While getting that thing down the drain is minorly impressive, it was the worst thing to do because the doctors weren’t able to test the bat for rabies. Since rabies is deadly (any Office fans out there, view image on right. Anyone else, go binge-watch), the doctors decided to put me through the rabies treatment. Apparently it’s one of the most painful shot treatments out there. It’s also apparently not recommended for wimpy three-year old’s that have a tendency to bite their doctors…
Anyways, so that’s how I ended up cleaning our entire bathroom before 7am in anticipation for my Humira shot today. It’s also how I ended up with this boring band-aid on my leg (note to self: buy cooler band-aids).

I am a total die hard Sox fan, hence my shirt. Right now Pedoria is hoping to be voted into the All Star game, so I’m repping Pedey today (for non-baseball people, Pedoria is the guy on the back of my shirt who plays for the Boston Red Sox. He’s short, scappy, and balding, but anyone from Boston still has a crush on him… it’s amazing what fame/talent do for a guy).

 

Outfit Details
Shirt: Dick’s Sport Goods purchased five years ago for $20 (kids section!) (similar)
Shorts: J. Crew Factory purchased four years ago for $30 (similar)
Shoes: Sperry purchased three years ago for $60 (similar, similar)